The questioning of “Being Self”
I was also aware of the rising voice of the missing inner piece – now looking back I can better postulate it as the suppression of turning to the personal and subjective meaning of being human, and the forced order to objectify and judging the right/wrong. That feeling became more apparent as I was interacting with the other individuals from other cultures. I befriended few Turkish students who became my life friends. Their frank and open attitude towards me, a complete foreigner to them, fascinated me.
“Don’t let the difference distance us! Why do we care?”
Why care about the differences. I gradually arrived at the understanding that despite the conceptual understanding of the vast human differences, the more strongly left feeling for me was the similar shared feelings of passion and hope. I began to unveil the rather absolute insist in following the “structural understanding” of the human differences, the different “right/wrong” theories, and go along with our similar hearts.
The Journey of “Finding Self”
It was when during learning in humanistic psychology and counseling then I truly became certain of my change of own professional goal. Carrying the prior scientific understanding, I initially entered the encounter group (therapeutic group session) as well as the personal therapy with the unwilling heart. I admitted I was forced to expand my understanding of the human beings from the scientific evaluative/outcome focused foundation, to the strange and rather vague/moment-to-moment engagement/process experiencing world.
What helped me with the experiencing was not just the professional learning, but again also the beautiful friendships built. I exchanged with many other students who also opened themselves to the deeper self-exploration and potential growth. I would describe it as one most important journey of reconnecting with all parts of me, between my long hidden and buried inner voice, and the outer world. I realized the importance of accepting me“the self” depends on minimizing judgment, criticism and the forcefully urge to self-change. And I see that only when I am more comfortable with “being the self”, then I am more likely to begin the question of “what if…”. I believe this reflects the natural process of a person’s conscious will to maximizing the own potential.
From rejecting, misunderstanding, to the gradual accepting, and the final adopting of such experiential humanistic doctrine, my philosophy/belief got reconstructed and shaped. And from being a scientific researcher to the experientialist, I believe it was the better preparation for me to becoming a therapist and psychologist. (To be Continued…)