Everyone likes things in a good and nice way. In relationships, we seek for the different means towards shared happiness, for the best memories created – like an exciting party, a romantic night, or a fascinating family trip. For us, the good times and strong happy bonds seem the “right” thing we should have in life. And so what if we are at times of conflicts, misunderstanding and sadness?
A bit of own sharing
One time, for a close friend of mine’s birthday, I decided to prepare a perfect celebration-day for her. Before the day, I ensured everything was ready (as I thought), and even reserved a spare option of plan. At the end, none of my plan worked out, and my friend even took over the leading role, and ironically the spare option became the highlight of the day.
Realizing the first failure of plan (The dining venue was closed down and we were hungry and sweaty upon arrival), I saw my friend’s seemingly darkened face (or that was how I pictured), I felt screwed up; then next as we arrived at an empty site, as I mistakenly planned the visit to a French Flea Market which was long over, I almost thought the rest of the day would end in dead silence.
From the objective angle, the celebration was quite disastrous, and anyone could have thrown a tantrum and left. What I was blessed about was my friend’s conscious decision to stay away from fixating on the flaws. Out of simplicity of mind, or complete embrace of all the wrong doings, her optimism drove us on continuing the celebration. The acceptance of the fault and mistakes. At the end, I went home with the clear colorful scene of my friend’s beautiful smile on my mind. The “wrongly” day becomes one of the unforgettable memories of our friendship.
Attending to the Imperfect
The experience connects with the recent spiritual experience I have been in. In one of the last articles I wrote, Exploring on the Imperfect, (http://corimuscounseling.blogspot.hk/2015/05/exploring-on-imperfect.html) I was inspired to attend to the imperfect with the gained understanding of imperfectness as the real humanity nature. As much as we embrace it, we turn to walk a beautiful journey of exploration, learning and meaning.
Along this journey, I have also come to notice my relationship with the others which are imperfect. I interact, think and feel about the people with the understanding of imperfectness, because they are imperfect, and more importantly I am imperfect. I am aware of them, I accept them, and I am learning to accept them.
Realness of Imperfect Relationships
This is how I see a relationship is. Imperfect and real. We are in all sorts of different imperfect relationships. The question is whether we choose to embrace them. At times perhaps imperfectness is defined by the underlying golden rules of the right/wrong, but more it lies upon the subjective understanding whether things are what we want, feel good at, and so. Indeed there is no absolute way to the right/wrong relationship. Who says that one fighting couple must find a way to reconciliation? Or parents must put their children first before selves? Only the judgment rests on us to decide.
Embracing the imperfectness does not necessarily lead us to happy-ever-after – or we may not always want it. And yet, in many moments, it is ok we just embrace whatever the wrong/bad kinds of imperfectness in relationship we tend to judge at.
Because imperfectness itself always teaches us to feel, to treasure, to learn. They are the powerful stimulators leading us to the building of the stronger relationships.
And that indeed is the true meaning of relationship.
Not the happiest, but of meaning and growth.
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