There are the different struggles we face in life.
I believe that even for the most determined and faithful person, there must be the struggling moments of “If I can just…” For instance, I find that sometimes we get stuck between the focus on self or the others. While the world is teaching us the virtue of helping, rather than just obtaining own gain, in reality we are either fighting to find the space for self, or we are too lost within fulfilling others’ wishes – we are just never at the balance.
Some fight between the consistent craving for money and social status, and the moral judgment call to serve, care and support. We all have been told that spiritual satisfaction is something money and fame cannot buy, and yet also the materialistic satisfaction which the spirit cannot replace. That is why the majority of us, at whatever level of spiritual maturity, we can never become completely ignorant of the external glory. To guilty pleasure. To seek others’ recognition.
I attempt to write down my past struggles, and the ongoing ones. I see myself devoted to spread the importance of spiritual health, yet at certain moments I find myself “agonized” over my less fortune. It is because despite the constant attending to filling the heart, I cannot shake off the awareness of the goodness on Earth. I admit that as I pass-by the fancy boutiques, not always, but sometimes my eyes are drawn to the stylish clothing, and I wonder when I can earn enough so that I can indulge in the “reckless” shopping.
The more I write down the struggles, the more I understand about myself. How consistent my struggles have been, and how imperfect I have always been, and still I am conflicted. I wonder when such struggles can go away. And upon this moment of thinking then I realize that struggles never go away. Like how we have come a long journey of reconciling with the loved ones, still it is no happy-ever-after. Fights and misunderstandings still exist. This is the same as the struggles.
We may get a clear sky today, and yet we never know when and how the mist returns. As often the struggles seem to be solved, then we find ourselves walking into the repeated/different traps, and we taste the bitterness of the truth, that problems never end. These are the contradictions in life, and they occur again and again, and keep coming back, no matter they are resolved in the first place or not.
This is us, in the process of developing, yet also the constant repeating cycle of struggle. The more we write the own struggles, the more they appear to be real to us. We face ourselves as with a conflicted, contradictive mind, and it is ok.
Because we are not perfect. And this is ok.
We are always struggling. Whenever we go, wherever we go, and whatever we do. And this is ok.
This is life.
Our lives are the fighting journey.
What is important is not the altitude of the struggles, or the seemingly exhausting and repetitive nature, but that we do acknowledge them and continue to face them.
Because life is not about “we MUST do this/be this person”. Only as we accept ourselves, then we gradually WANT to do it/be the person.
And so I admit all my struggles. It is ok we are in the struggles. Only as we face them then we can fight them.
For everyone at the different life points/stages, or the different life circumstances. At any point, it is ok to admit and face our struggles.
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