In my childhood education I was repeatedly told I had to work hard to get good results in the school exams. I was also brought to the different classes and trainings to widen my non-academic talents – music, sports, art, and even specific mental/mind trainings (like memory, multi-perspective thinking). Later on as I entered tertiary education, I learnt that my education and trainings are to prepare myself for the successful career which demands the clear illustration of certain skills and abilities – “through experience I enhanced critical thinking/sharpen my judgment/others” was my most usual spoken and written phrase.
In many moments I often feel inadequate and lonely. I may have done my best for the demonstration of my capability, yet I often felt scared and insecure of the fluctuating outcomes. And if I did not do my best I might feel more guilty. When I look back at those times I realize I was resentful, and doubtful towards myself. There was no “Who I am”, only “how good and right I am” based on the evaluation by others and my “achievements”. Others may show their care and support, yet I only felt they did not understand me, as all they saw was only the outer part of me.
How can I trust myself when I am doubtful and only sees my ability and thinking, and not my real self? How can I even trust others if I am feeling not trustful? How can I closer the distance between myself and others when we only see the rules and ability, and not try to see the realness of the person?
Perhaps that is what love is about that we need. The trust of love breaks the timid structure of regulations and system. It goes straight into the heart, to set the direct bridge between the two. And love is established based on this directness of bond. Unconditional, unexplainable, irrational, boundless.
Trust ourselves, trust our closed ones. We experience the realness of ourselves in love.