We certainly know we shall not run away from fear, yet it is always easier said than done.
Fear is an emotion, a feeling which covers the many underlying bigger negative issues and things.
I have worked with different clients on the encounter of fear, and most question that I ask is, ‘What causes your avoidance?’
Across the diverse clinical presentations, many clients give me very similar answers – I feel scared. Vulnerable. Unconfident. Weak.
‘I just want to run away and feel safe.’
When I continue to work with them the association between emotions, thinking and behavior, clients and I often arrive at the linkage between all such negative emotions with the thinking of ‘I do not want to let others see the real me’.
Since when does fear link with facing our real selves.
When we experience the difficulties, many which often force us to embrace pain, trauma, injustice, we are left with the permanent injury.
There is a Chinese idiom which says, ‘One bitten by a snake, ten years in fear of a well rope’. This postulates well our fear towards negativity. Our survival instinct tells us to avoid any harm which could bring any adverse consequences. However, once such avoidance prolongs, more harm is done than good.
‘Whether we like it or not, our memories are the trademarks forever imprinted on our paths.’
Because as we avoid facing any potential adversity, or remembering the past pain, we also avoid the selves which directly engage with the events.
As we avoid our real self part, our ‘self’ becomes the well rope – we soon begin to avoid our whole inner-selves in general.
This is where the problem lies on. Only we ourselves are the agents who logically define and differentiate between real harm and projected/magnified/imagined harm, yet our avoidance keeps such inner-selves deeper and deeper away from the surface.
Soon what is the target of avoidance becomes a blurred suppressed unspoken question.
We begin to lose connection with the real fearful target, and instead be fearful of the fear itself.
The fear is the well rope itself. It haunts us, reminding us the pain in the past, yet itself is not the real snake.
Only when we can learn to face our real pain and wounds, then we can learn to face our fear and not be afraid of it.
The determining agent lies within ourselves.
Learn to face ourselves. Engage with our experiences with our emotions, thinking and behavior.
We are more powerful than we imagine. The awareness of our experiences allows us to stimulate our drive and actions on working out the solutions.
To be free from fear we have to first live with it.
To live with fear, we start by looking into ourselves.
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